I guess I'm still as empty feeling as yesterday, but I found this old note from 2007 in my diary, and I thought I should share it with you.
Title: Good Advice When hiking, walk with a partner. If you want your own DNA, use your brush. DO NOT pull from your own head. Do not read when going downstairs. When holding a retractable pen, DO NOT put your finger over the part where the pen pops out, and the DO NOT band the top part. You will puncture yourself, believe me I know. When the ice cubes aren't coming out of the tray, ask for help, and DO NOT turn the tray upside down. If you have a fishtank with a fish in it, DO NOT bounce a tennis ball on the top of it. For the sake of your fish. When having a cup of tea, DO NOT suck on the teabag itself. You will not like that tea anymore. DO NOT put a magnet on electrical products. This includes the t.v. And the computer screen. If you are not used to it, do not force your knuckles to crack! It will hurt When cutting a frozen bagel with a sharp knife, do not put your hand on the bottom like a cuttting board. Do not bite on ice or chew ice cream with your teeth. Do not bite on tin foil with cavities. Do not rub your eys if you have contacts. You will lose them.
Yes, copied literally word for word from my journal. Sounds like even then, I had the right idea. Can you guess which ones I learned from personal experience?
Mall tomorrow with Holly to find a birthday present for Jaclyn! Have a lovely Monday!
Something is missing. I promise you, something is missing. The most tragic part of it all, is that I can't quite put my finger on what was once in the spot where an endless void now exists. I know exactly what you're thinking, Why not put another body part on it instead? But that's just it, it's like my kind has sort of given up. I have so much potential. With the courtesy of bragging rights, I won't deny myself the credit. But potential is useless when it isn't taken advantage of. Countless opportunities, and yet I let them all pass by me. Sometimes, without even realizing it. Ever heard of that saying that tells when one door closes another one opens? Well, I feel like all the doors have shut and locked themselves in. Leaving me either isolated inside or longing for acceptance outside. Perhaps that's what I need: acceptace. That, and a cornucopia of other qualities. Motivation. Enhusiasm. Optimism. Passion. The bare essencials of success, satisfaction, and contentment- am I wrong?
Friends. I don't have a best friend. Sure, I have frindships that I love and care for, but there isn't a single person who knows everything about me. Even though they think they might. Trust issues? Maybe. I tend not to open up, but then again I'll talk seriously to any person who happens to catch me at the right moment on facebook. Better someone who doesn't know me personally because then they won't judge too kindly or cruely. Perhaps I fear judgement? I also think it has a lot to do with my undeniable craving for perfection. I want to be flawless in every way imaginable, despite the law written in stone for years declaring the impossibility of the statement. Beauty and the brawns. What more could one want? Stupid possessions and wants and needs; they're taking over my life. But for reasons that escape me, I can't let the feeling go that somehow I'm special and that I really can be perfect. At fourteen, I can already sense that I'm only setting myself up for a long and unhappy life of disappointments and heartbreak.
Family. We don't get along. It's just an illusion that we care to avoid confrontations that will turn into ugly, sticky messes. Daddy, I am forever going to be frustrated with you, and my patience has run out. Mommy, stop what you're doing, take a look at me, and think, is your daughter a person who deserves to be everything she wants to be? It's painful to witness where things have gone and how I've changed so drastically. Tears me up inside.
But if I seem to understand my problem, then why is it such an excrutiating process to heal the metaphorical wounds? It's almost as if I am experiencing phantom pains. The sources don't exist, it's all in my head. But aren't pyschological conflicts the worst? There's no where for them to go besides bottling inside or thundering at innocen bystanders. So much so say, and yet words fail me.
In a bad mood? Maybe. Reflecting on current emotions? Taking a deeper look into who I am? Trying to steer the unlucky course I've forged myself? Possibly. On the right road? TBA
If anyone reads this, I appreciate thoughts. And just the idea that someone took the time to get a little insight. But overall, i am feeling slightly better. Boy, I just needed to get that out. Cheers to all for a wonderful Sunday, and hopefully I'll be more chipper when i blog next!
Current reading material: Hiroshima Current music addiction: Ingrid Michaelson Current movie of choice: Ramona and Beezus, Inception, Despicable Me, 500 Days of Summer Current friend of the love award: Katherine Current happy mood: 4 out of 10 Current productivity rate: 1 out of 10
So much going this week. Well, sort of. Well, not really. More like starting this evening and continuing onto tomorrow. The day started off with a delicious beef tamale from Trader Joes. Mmmm. Very yummy. Then off to yoga with Casey! I absolutely adore my yoga hour. I look forward to it. SO much fun!! Gah, it needs to be longer than just an hour. I think mommy is going to let me get a yoga mat soon if we find one :D
Sidenote: Ballet last night was challenging, but fun as usual. Our instructor leveled me up to more releve and half pirouettes on releve as opposed to balancing flat foot. Check me out, I'm improving :)
Back to the real post: Then daddy and I visited this condo in a lovely location in our city that we can afford. Three bedrooms. One and a half bathrooms(this is kind of a bummer here), and couple hundred square feet bigger than what we have now. The entrance is pretty squishy, and we'd have to share one wall with a neighbor, but it's a nice place in a nice setting with nice people and nice appliances with a nice price. NICE. Also, I am officially my family's "TomTom". You know, one of those GPS systems. I'm really good at directions and when I'm on my blackberry, I'm on top of everything. Like in that movie, The Devil Wears Prada. I want to do that when I grow up. I can handle it ;) maybe in the future. <-- Ingrid Michaelson reference.
Later at night, mumsie, popsie, and I had din din at Habit Hamburger joint. Not bad. As for the remaining hours of the day, I hung out with my friend Cameron at the mall. There was an Elvis tribute going on, and we even got a picture with him! SHYEAH! And Paciugo, a.k.a. only the best gelato in town.
Tomorrow I have an orthodontist appointment at three in the afternoon. Hopefully that won't take too long because I'm seeing Ramona and Beezus with a group of friends tomorrow at 4:20. I think the girls will include Juliet F., Leslie A., Casey K., and Jaclyn K. Should be an enjoyable time :D
It's starts to get slightly more complicated right about now. Katherine's voice recital at the college is at 7:00; I'll be arriving 6:45 for seats. Semi formal, open to public, showcase of talents. In general, an event to look forward to. I've timed the movie out so that it should end about twenty minutes before I have to go her show. Meaning, I'll be wearing my semi-formal attire to the orthodontist, straight to the movies, then directly to the show as I scarf down dinner on the car ride over. But you know what? I love overbooking myself and having a busy bee schedule. I relish the rushing sensations as there is always one anticipation to fill in the place of the previous excitement. It's a never ending cycle of WHOOSHING in my heart :D
Oh, I am so very sappy. But Happy. And rhymey. Doctor Seuss, what have you done to our society?
Also! Linkage! I started an account on yobi.tv(for those who don't know, WHATTHEBUCK youtube celeb introduced it to me, and it's a website for people show their talents whether it be voice, video, photography, or err some other category that I can't quite remember. My username is karmaberry, so check me out! Well, not quite, because I don't have any photography up yet. I'll link to that when I get the chance. Same to my other blog, which is currently "under construction" because I want to redesign the layout. It'll be shnazzy the next time you see it. wee :D Guess what? I forgot to put the end parenthesis sign. Did you notice? So I'll put it right.......
What a gift to the music world. Ingrid Michaelson. Her voice is absolutely beautiful and unique. Her personality is evident in every note of every harmony of every song. Her vocal arrangement is impressive. My aunt describes it as somewhat of a yodel. But a lovely yodel, indeed.
I first discovered her music during a choir event called Singing Waiter. One of the girls, Brooke, sang the song "The Way I Am". I fell in love with the sound so much that I immediately researched it the moment I got home.
"Hmm, Ingrid Michaelson? I've never heard of her. Well, I don't think I have. Maybe... I guess the name sounds slightly familiar".
I can recall saying that to the YouTube video on my laptop screen. After listening to that one song, I was hooked and continued to click on each available cover of hers that YouTube had to offer. And then that night, my love for her was born. Half a year later, I am still a devoted fan to the most down-to-earth artist to break through to fame in her humble bumble disposition.
Ingrid Michaelson is for the fans of: Jason Mraz, Colbie Caillat(sp?), Priscilla Ahn, A Fine Frenzy, and pehaps Regina Spektor. Spektor and Michaelson have a very similar quality to their voices in the way that they utilize tone and range, but Spektor is generally accompanied by piano, whereas Michaelson sticks to the guitar and the ukelele.
There's my overall review of one of my favorite artists. If you don't already know her, then look her up. If you don't already love her, isolate yourself in a room with just her music playing. You'll love her. Also, I'm thinking of updating my photo blog regularly again, so definitely keep an eye out for that. I'll post links on this website, too.
Today, I went to go see the movie Inception with my mom and my aunt. We were celebrating how both of their birthdays fall on the same week.
So we sit down in the packed theater and the buzz of people talking in anticipation starts to get me insanely pumped. Especially since my darling Joseph Gordon-Levitt(see post below) will be co-starring alongside Leonardo DiCaprio(eh, not as cool).
From start to finish, there was a lot of confusion and bang bang BOOM and death. But what else can you expect from an action movie? Generally, I'm not one to enjoy a production of this genre, but it kept me entertained the entire two and half hours, which is roughly the point of a movie. Think about it. What's the whole message of all the media besides to entertain or to inform? Not much any other options.
But I digress...
It was all about invading the dreams of others to get confidential information and secrets that were crucially important. The team of "dream invaders" were on what they called a "job". Which was just a synonym for a mission. I didn't fully understand what they were experiencing until at least half way through the movie, and I'm still not positive that I understand now. They were in a dream, in a dream, in a dream, in someone's subconscious. And you know how you can sometimes wake yourself up by killing yourself in a dream? Well, they would kill themselves in one dream, wake up in the next, die, wake up in the next, die, the next, die, then real life. No more dying. I often found it challenging to keep up with the bursts of moments happening here and there. But like I said, it was entertaining. Exhilarating, thrilling, suspenseful, fast paced, and everything else that a perfect action movie needs.
I've never seen Joseph in such an intense motion picture, and it only further convinced me that he is the best actor alive because he pulled it off so stunningly (lovelovelovelove)
If you're interested in seeing the trailer because I make zero sense in my pathetic excuses of movie reviews, click here. Enjoy in all of it's epic glory.
Hope you all have a lovely weekend!
Just realized how disorganized this post it. My apologies about that. My overall statement I was
Today is my mommy's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY, I LOVE YOU! I made and put together a plethora of presents for her! A scrapbook. Two picture frames. Four of her favorite hair clips(jewels and sparkles!!). Favorite lotion(Gardener's Therapy via Crabtree and Evelyn). Cute purse that she loves. Bracelet with her name engraved. Her favorite chocolate. And there might be more, but I'm not in the mood to think about it anymore.
It's probably the weather. No, it's definitely the weather. The humidity has gotten INSANE, and all of the sudden the heat bumped up ten to fifteen degrees everyday. Soon we'll be in triple digits. Which I don't mind, I love the heat. But it's the unbearable moisture in the air that gets to me. My friends, Holly, Julie, Amy, and Jingyi and I were hanging out in the park when I started to freak because the humidity was so torturous. Almost feels like I'm slowly suffocating. :/
Guitar updates: Blisters are wearing down, and I have become increasingly more tolerant of the pain. Learning Somewhere Over the Rainbow Hawaiian style by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. <--say that three times fast?! Such a beautiful song, check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1bFr2SWP1I
My goal is to hopefully have it perfected by the end of summer and perhaps perform it sometime during the year during either choir or talent show...?
Have I updated you on our choir's status? Well, our "Save Choir" group on facebook currently has 73 members, so the word is starting to spread! But if I'm not mistaking(or mistaken), we only have a few more weeks before the verdict. But honestly, it would kill me to see this program go down in ashes. Being a part of the choir was the best experience and part of my freshie year at high school. Means the world to think that I might not have it next year.
Copy of the letter our director sent us, with all names and private info taken out:
Dear parents and students, I feel at this time it is important to communicate the current situation at a (school) and the choral department as it stands since the last day of school. The Principal has eliminated 3 of my 5 classes, leaving us a Concert Choir and Show Choir. The three classes eliminated are Music Theory with 29 students Chamber Singers with 30 and Music Appreciation, which had 31 students in it last year. His argument has been that our numbers are too low and that we have too many students in the choirs in the day taking Chamber Singers at night. I do have July to combat this situation so I have implemented the following. I have put a notice in the July Band News Letter that auditions are open for band students to join Chamber without being in one of the other groups. I hope to get 10 new students that way. Even though the numbers are good in Concert Choir of 40 and Show Choir of 27, the choir department has a list of 15 students that were interested in taking choir but did not add the class. If we can get another 10 students that way as well, I believe the Principal will have the numbers to reinstate the classes. There is some work to do this summer and if you have any suggestions to help, I would appreciate any ideas to recruit. After meeting with the Principal and the Superintendent, they are encouraging me to look for work elsewhere, since the shortage in the budget shows them that my job is in risk. My plan of action has been two-fold. I have been recruiting students to get the numbers up and job hunting in the Southern California area hoping that by mid August I will have two choices in front of me to chose from. And with a little help from everyone, I‘ll be able to stay at (school). If you know any students that would like to join, they can contact me at my cell (seven digits the world should not know) before August 1st.
Sigh. It's heartbreaking. :( Wish us luck please.
Yoga and ballet have really been helping with my fitness training this summer. I've been sore for the past few days, which means something is working! Our ballet routines and yoga postures work all the major muscles, and even the ones I didn't realize existed. Who knew O.o
So, I'm thrilled about that. And even better news? My family might be going to Hawaii this summer!!! YES HAVEN'T BEEN ON A REAL VACATION SOMEWHERE IN FOUR YEARS, i THINK?!YESSSS.
ALSO, sorry for the font size change, it happened when i copied and pasted the letter, and I'm far too lazy to switch it. So there you have it.
The days and week of summer vacation have been passing by me with incredible speed. Just a couple hours ago, I was watching the fireworks with Katherine and her family on the fourth of July. No, I swear I was. Wait, what? It's almost my mom's birthday on July 16th? What?! When did this happen? It's difficult to comprehend the concept of time. But nonetheless, it never ceases to amaze me.
Well, the cat escaped from the house today. I received a very frustrated phone call from the father while the mother and I were at the groceries.
"Are you almost home? The cat got away and I tried to kill him with a broom".
"Ah, yes Dad, I'll be right here. Don't touch him."
"Don't worry, can't find him anymore."
He just wanted to get a little fresh air. I found him hanging in the trees outside our front yard, and all I had to do was reach up and snatch him. For the following two, maybe three hours, he moped around the house meowing and whining to get back out again. Later, we found him here... Inside the dryer.
Once more, all together now, silly kitty.
Also, check out the corn I'm growing in my backyard! It started as a biology project, and I decided to take it home. Here is the first sign of it real corn actually sprouting from the tangle of green leaves it has been for over a month. Hope you are all doing well, and I'll be back tomorrow! Have a great Monday!
I'm feeling a bit more positive, compared to last night, at least. Honestly, I'm more neutral than anything else. Just hanging in there and whatever. Sipping my Lipton Green Tea :D Delicious.
It's all just the same old, same old.
Today I went to the mall and bought my mom's favorite kind of lotion for her birthday in a week. Hope she likes it. I'm sure she will. No doubt. No sarcasm, either. ;)
Then Sears Auto Shop was replacing the front two tires of our family car, so we can feel safer heading down to Solvang tomorrow. They claimed that it would take two hours because they were so backed up, but after the promised 120 minutes, they had not even started the job. So we were there about three hours, eating Subway sandwiches, talking to other impatient folks in the waiting room, and visiting every store in the mall. I ran into Malissa and her whole family, pleasant surprise :) Her little sisters are so cute! Muaha, wish I had some of my own. But alas, mother fails me. I forgive her, though. I have my kitty cat. A Henry who was very pleased to see us returning. *purrrr*
I'm just going to chillax for the rest of the evening and practice guitar, surf the web, read, and maybe go hiking tonight con mi madre. Have a lovely rest of the day and be well, all!
I wish so badly that I could return to the emotions I was experiencing just a week ago: pure happiness. Pure, raw, unadulterated happiness. This week has been a flop in comparison to the last, but then again, how could anything have lived up to my expectations after that?
I've been lacking the motivation to post the past day or so, which explains my absence. All of today and yesterday, but most severely these past few hours, I have felt empty. Hollow. Disappointed. As if I should be waiting for something to happen. The longing for some sort of anticipation is painful. It's like loving someone who can't reciprocate the affection. Not speaking from personal experience, but I can only imagine that this must be a similar feeling.
Hopefully it's only your average girl mood swings because if this is the start of a habit, then I'm in deep trouble. I don't know how much more of this inner struggling I can endure. Not even yoga class today helped.
I need a vacation. Desperately. Haven't been on a plane in forever. I miss the tedious excitement of packing bags and the frustrations of airport parking and the queasy sensations induced by take off and the reassuring voices of our pilot or the first few steps of foreign territory once you land or the sound the hotel door makes when you slide your room key through the slot or how everything you see or do is somehow more adventurous when you are far away from home. So many things to want. I sound selfish. Now I'm upset with myself. Nothing that isolation, youtube videos, and a good night's sleep can't take care of. I've recently become obsessed with meekakitty. She's adorable. And I've always loved communitychannel, whatthebuck, and kevjumba. So there you have it. My youtube subscriptions, basically.
I should like to think that I'm ending this blog post on a more optimistic note, rather than a sorrowful sound. So, no worries because everything will work itself out eventually.
Today's blog post title is going to be a smiley face. Because you can never see too many smiles in one lifetime. Unless it's a pyschotic smile. But you know, there are exceptions to everthing.
Today was a boring, yet somehow eventful and peaceful day. I got along well with my dad, which is a success in itself. We ran errands together, and I got an extension for my ladybug bracelet. I can finally wear it without fear of snapping it into pieces.
Then we went to Tropical Illusion, an amazing place that sells fish of all types. I saw Jessie, my us-to-be-best-friend's sister. I'll get into that story when I have more time.
Mom's new used phone from eBay arrived. A blue palm centro to replace her other blue palm centro. It has dents all over the place. We are currently looking for a case.
Ew there's a spider on the floor next to me. I made my mom kill it :P
Anyway, I cleaned the backyard, ran after my kitty Henry(who officially knows how to open our patio door!!!!), and practiced my guitar strumming.
I went ice skating with Jennifer, Joanna, and Jingyi. Wow, all Asian and all J's. What a coincidence. It was a jolly occassion, considering I haven't ice skated in over a year. I'll have to go more often now!
Who knows what tomorrow holds for me, but that is just one of the many beauties of summer. Even though it's cold in California and scorching on the east coast. Really makes sense... Gee thanks, global warming. Now I'm exhausted and I'm going to stop before this gets too confusing. Good night!
Happy birthday, America. I hope it was a great one. Fireworks themselves weren't too impressive this year, but spending them with Katherine and her family was what made it worth while. You can be anywhere and have fun, as long as you're with people you care about :D
Never thought I'd find myself saying that. Generally, I'm a pretty hateful person in several different ways, but this has officially been a solid week of fantasticisticamazingerrificunbelievableperfectlovelydelightfuleverythinggoodandjustintheworldlooooveddays one after the other. Saturday: China town for the first time Sunday: relaxing day at library and then shopping Monday: at Lena's house playing RockBand Beatles version Tuesday: malling and shopping with Casey Wednesday: hiking with Jennifer for the first time. Then Menchie's fro-yo. Ballet class. Benefit Concert. Thursday: yoga class and hiking and playing on a playground with Casey. Oh, and picnic-ing. Last guitar lesson. <-- good because I didn't like them. Friday: Lena's sweet sixteen birthday bash. Complete with swimming and jacuzzing for the first time all summer and watching Across the Universe. And then today? Watching Eclipse with Malissa and Ines, buying new tennis shoes(woohoo clearance rack!!), hiking with mom, seeing THREE SNAKES on said hike, watching Eclipse a second time con mí madre y sneaking in comida(Johnny Rockets) en el teatre por la cena. Muy sabrosa. Soy feliz. (My apologies, my Spanish grammer is disgraceful) And tomorrow? Fourth of July with Katherine and her familia!!! Woohooo!!! And then next week... Eclipse with Rachel, Andrea, Holly, and Julie. Third time YEAH!! Ice skating with Jennifer and Ines on Tuesday evening. Dance wed. Yoga Thursday. Ohmygawd life is so good right now. Something bad is approaching then... That's just the way it works.
But for now, let's soak up the positives. Excuse me while I enjoy the last few scenes of Mamma Mia, one of the best movies to be produced with a few exceptions. I want to learn Our Last Summer on guitar!!
Wishing everyone a lovely fourth of July Cheers cheers cheers cheers cheers to all :D
Here are hiking photos. Someone please enlighten me because there has to be an easier way to upload pictures then picking them individually?! Only five. I'm exhausted right now, and I don't feel like delving deep into the topic. But about today: yoga was awesome. Spending the day with Casey was better. Running into choir pals Andy, Tre, Ines, and making a friend, Faith, was just as spectacular.
Have a great Friday everyone! I'll be at Lena's sixteenth birthday bash! Woohoo!