Thursday, April 29, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Like I briefly mentioned in last night's post, I am very hesitant when it comes to my religion. I was born and raised a Catholic(not on a playground, where some of you might have thought if you're catching my humor here), and my parents started taking me to regular weekly masses.
I've never payed any attention, except for a few select times when the topic was particularly intruiging and whatnot, but I found it difficult to devoulty listen to the Father preach to me ideas that I either didn't care about or I didn't believe in.
When I was enrolled in classes after to school for confession and communion, I was a bright student who always filled up the back of my index card with Good Job stickers. I learned the material, but was there any passion behind what I absorbed?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not showing any disrespect to the religion or any of it's followers, a d especially not to their holy figures like the Virgin Mary, Jesus, or God. I would never. I have the utmost respect and even a little fear for their power, because I have always had no doubts that they truly exist/ed.
But my issue here is that all my life I have been devoted to Catholicism, but I cannot honestly say that I am happy this way. It gives me no sense of inner peace or discipline. For the past few years after realizing this, I have tried to convince myself that I am just confused and that over time, I will accept my faith and be a pious individual. However, that feeling has yet to arrive. I even wore religious jewelry to publicly prove my devotion, and I went through a period where I recited daily the prayers of the Rosary.
But now that I'm just beginning to search for who I truly am, I am positive that having a solid faith in something is a pillar that I cannot deprive myself of, for it may be the only support I'll have at one point. Which is why I have been seriously contemplating beig a Catholic and whether I feel strongly enough in sacrificing myself to its laws.
Recently, I have been studying Buddhism and have discovered that naturally, I have believed many of the ideas and concepts that it highlights. Reincarnation, nirvana, and karma being the three main ones that often come to mind. I checked out a few books from the library on various Buddhist topics, including the history, the reality, the laws, the spiritual journey, and all that being a Buddhist entails.
But here's a quick side note that is constantly percolating around in the back of my mind. As a fourteen year old, am I even mature enough to decide what religion I belong to? Sure, I'm old enough to have opinions and back them up, but having a faith is generally a life long sensation that doesn't change too often. So here's the whole point I'm trying to convey, what faith do I have, where I am going with my faith, is Buddhism the religion for me or is it just the current trend, and how mature am I to make these decisions on my own?
Just a thought.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Well, maybe not that dramatic. But what I'm saying is an explanation as to why I don't express myself through this blog as much as I should. It's because I am far too lazy. I start projects, and then I never finish them!
Last night in bed, my mom and I may down next to each other and discussed topics about life and society until half past two in the morning. About the difference between profit and sales, the gas prices, my life purpose, my friends, my cat, the amount of doubt I have in my religion, my quirks and flaws and talents. The list is endless.
But what hit me the hardest was this: what am I going to do with my life?
I honestly have no clue. I'm still young, a freshman in high school, but before I know it, college will be here and then i'll be forced to make a decision and set myself on a course that will alter the rest of my life.
I don't have many superb talents. I can write. I take pictures. I'm good at giving advice. I have crafty fingers. But nothing STANDS OUT about me. There is nothing specific that I have a true passion for. And it's very painful that I'm so lost and clueless. I need someone to help me and guide me and give me a nudge here and there. Any takers?
Don't bother answering.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Stop being so unpredictable. I can't handle the pressure nor am I able to overtake every challenge you throw at me.
The week started out bearable, and even a tad bit optimistic, as if there was nothing to truly worry about. I enjoyed the ride until yesterday, Thursday. That's when everything starting going downhill. Literally, too, since the day before was Hump Day...
Anyway. Yesterday in dance, you didn't give me the chance to learn the new choreography I missed the week before. Shouldn't it be alright if I happen to make a couple of mistakes while I'm still learning?
By the way, thanks for letting my thermor spill in Mrs. Grooms' classroom. I left hungry, sad, and irritable, considering it was at least the third time that had happened.
I am grateful that you put me with complete strangers for my star test speech. *sarcasm* Great. Just great. I don't even know who to look for.
Monday, April 19, 2010
I managed to get through the entire school day without something physically and/or mentally scarring.
Anyway, I realized something today. Just now, to be honest. Blogging offers so many benefits, and I would be a fool not to continually post on here. Whenever I'm looking for a topic to discuss. I automatically go through the day's events in my head and reflect on the positives and the negatives. For instance, I'm grateful for not answering number 17 outloud in math class, but I am sad that I have to present on Friday to my peers about Star Testing. If I didn't have a blog to keep up, I wouldn't have given those miniscule details a second thought. This way I stay in touch with my inner self and inner chi and whatnot...
Sunday, April 18, 2010
I would like to compliment you on your mobile blogging service, for I have finally taken the time to investigate and register as a new member. After sending a test text through, I am pleased to say that I was not at all disappointed. Speedy and accurate delivery. Now that's what I call customer service! Surely there is no excuse for me not to post regularly, no matter what I say! I could post anywhere from in line at the grocery store to in line at Disneyland! Once again, I am grateful to have found your mobile blogging option, and I assure you that I will take full advantage of its features.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
A few months ago, I watched the movie Dear John with my friends, Casey and Summer. I have to admit, I cried like someone was ripping the life right out of me. I was already a huge fan of Amanda Seyfried, and Channing Tatum sure won me over that day. After finishing the novel just last night(after starting only that morning), I sat curled in bed, clutching the book as if I was afraid it would vanish before me. Each part, chapter, page, word, fit in just right, making a masterpiece that would leave any reader with a heart crying for the lost love of Savannah and John. Throughout the novel, I felt as if I was a witness to their experiences, and the two relationships between John and Savannah and then John and his father weaved together to convey a message difficult to forget.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Tomorrow. Movies. The Last Song. Making fun of Miley Cyrus. Win beyond win.
A on my math test. Win times win equals win squared.
Please oh please. Let's make this a good spring break.
Also, one year ago went on the school D.C trip, which was probably better than any vacation I have ever been on to this day. Insanely jealous of those who left this afternoon. I'm so jealous I might cry. Seriously. But i'm grateful enough for this spring break now :)