Why...

... Is it that whenever something good finally happens, the devil takes over and ruins it?


E

Have Faith

Or at least, that's what they say.

Like I briefly mentioned in last night's post, I am very hesitant when it comes to my religion. I was born and raised a Catholic(not on a playground, where some of you might have thought if you're catching my humor here), and my parents started taking me to regular weekly masses.

I've never payed any attention, except for a few select times when the topic was particularly intruiging and whatnot, but I found it difficult to devoulty listen to the Father preach to me ideas that I either didn't care about or I didn't believe in.

When I was enrolled in classes after to school for confession and communion, I was a bright student who always filled up the back of my index card with Good Job stickers. I learned the material, but was there any passion behind what I absorbed?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not showing any disrespect to the religion or any of it's followers, a d especially not to their holy figures like the Virgin Mary, Jesus, or God. I would never. I have the utmost respect and even a little fear for their power, because I have always had no doubts that they truly exist/ed.

But my issue here is that all my life I have been devoted to Catholicism, but I cannot honestly say that I am happy this way. It gives me no sense of inner peace or discipline. For the past few years after realizing this, I have tried to convince myself that I am just confused and that over time, I will accept my faith and be a pious individual. However, that feeling has yet to arrive. I even wore religious jewelry to publicly prove my devotion, and I went through a period where I recited daily the prayers of the Rosary.

But now that I'm just beginning to search for who I truly am, I am positive that having a solid faith in something is a pillar that I cannot deprive myself of, for it may be the only support I'll have at one point. Which is why I have been seriously contemplating beig a Catholic and whether I feel strongly enough in sacrificing myself to its laws.

Recently, I have been studying Buddhism and have discovered that naturally, I have believed many of the ideas and concepts that it highlights. Reincarnation, nirvana, and karma being the three main ones that often come to mind. I checked out a few books from the library on various Buddhist topics, including the history, the reality, the laws, the spiritual journey, and all that being a Buddhist entails.

But here's a quick side note that is constantly percolating around in the back of my mind. As a fourteen year old, am I even mature enough to decide what religion I belong to? Sure, I'm old enough to have opinions and back them up, but having a faith is generally a life long sensation that doesn't change too often. So here's the whole point I'm trying to convey, what faith do I have, where I am going with my faith, is Buddhism the religion for me or is it just the current trend, and how mature am I to make these decisions on my own?

Just a thought.

Elley.

Here's My Problem

I am pretty sure that I know what my problem is. Problem being, source of unhappiness.

Well, maybe not that dramatic. But what I'm saying is an explanation as to why I don't express myself through this blog as much as I should. It's because I am far too lazy. I start projects, and then I never finish them!

Last night in bed, my mom and I may down next to each other and discussed topics about life and society until half past two in the morning. About the difference between profit and sales, the gas prices, my life purpose, my friends, my cat, the amount of doubt I have in my religion, my quirks and flaws and talents. The list is endless.

But what hit me the hardest was this: what am I going to do with my life?
I honestly have no clue. I'm still young, a freshman in high school, but before I know it, college will be here and then i'll be forced to make a decision and set myself on a course that will alter the rest of my life.

I don't have many superb talents. I can write. I take pictures. I'm good at giving advice. I have crafty fingers. But nothing STANDS OUT about me. There is nothing specific that I have a true passion for. And it's very painful that I'm so lost and clueless. I need someone to help me and guide me and give me a nudge here and there. Any takers?

Sigh....

Don't bother answering.

E

Dear Life,

Thanks for listening. Finally. Two GREAT days in a row.

Dear Life,
Stop being so unpredictable. I can't handle the pressure nor am I able to overtake every challenge you throw at me.
The week started out bearable, and even a tad bit optimistic, as if there was nothing to truly worry about. I enjoyed the ride until yesterday, Thursday. That's when everything starting going downhill. Literally, too, since the day before was Hump Day...
Anyway. Yesterday in dance, you didn't give me the chance to learn the new choreography I missed the week before. Shouldn't it be alright if I happen to make a couple of mistakes while I'm still learning?
By the way, thanks for letting my thermor spill in Mrs. Grooms' classroom. I left hungry, sad, and irritable, considering it was at least the third time that had happened.
I am grateful that you put me with complete strangers for my star test speech. *sarcasm* Great. Just great. I don't even know who to look for.
TGIF

Talk About Impressive.
I managed to get through the entire school day without something physically and/or mentally scarring.
Anyway, I realized something today. Just now, to be honest. Blogging offers so many benefits, and I would be a fool not to continually post on here. Whenever I'm looking for a topic to discuss. I automatically go through the day's events in my head and reflect on the positives and the negatives. For instance, I'm grateful for not answering number 17 outloud in math class, but I am sad that I have to present on Friday to my peers about Star Testing. If I didn't have a blog to keep up, I wouldn't have given those miniscule details a second thought. This way I stay in touch with my inner self and inner chi and whatnot...

Dear Blogger,

I would like to compliment you on your mobile blogging service, for I have finally taken the time to investigate and register as a new member. After sending a test text through, I am pleased to say that I was not at all disappointed. Speedy and accurate delivery. Now that's what I call customer service! Surely there is no excuse for me not to post regularly, no matter what I say! I could post anywhere from in line at the grocery store to in line at Disneyland! Once again, I am grateful to have found your mobile blogging option, and I assure you that I will take full advantage of its features.

With gratitude,
E.

TESTING!!! This is an official test to see if my new mobile blogging system works. I will be so incredibly pleased if it is. After I hit send on my phone, I am off to check my blog.

Toodles.

Thank You

For such a lovely week. Today, choir sang at Disney Hall with 900 other students from 23 different schools. What an amazing experience. We sang Dirait On (spelling?) while the composer accompanied us on the piano, and we had guest conductor(forgot her name, yes I do feel bad). You should google the Disney Hall Chorale Festival... Just so this post is more personal.

Tomorrow I am sleeping in and then going to Malissa's birthday partay, which leaves the academic stuff for Sunday, like usual. What a good upcoming weekend.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be going now to watch Mary Poppins for the first time ever. But thanks to the District Choir Festival from Wednesday, I do know all the songs. Let's go for a jaunty saunter...

Oh Happy Days

What a glorious day. Too tired to explain. Just now that it was FABULOUS. Good night :)


E

Realization

I just came to an amazing conclusion about this blog. I really don't give a care whether people read or comment any of my posts. No, I really don't. It is simply that I feel this intense desire to document my life because in retrospect, I am piecing together one kick butt scrapbook. Technically speaking, of course. So, whenever I'm headed down Lazy Lane, or Town(congrats to anyone who gets that reference), and I refuse to thoroughly blog about my day, perhaps I'll just list off the different events that happened from start to finish. It's a nice little way to reflect on everything that occurred, no matter how seemingly insignificant they may be. So yes, this blog is for my benefit. Certainly not yours. :)

Today?

Woke up and wanted to cry, like normal. Morning never get better for me. Forced myself to get dressed and prepare for school.

I'm developing some infection perhaps(?) in my eyes, where it is swollen and bloodshot, despite how many hours of sleep I get. This happened EXACTLY one year ago, too! Talk about bizarre.

Choir was enjoyable. Working on Mary Poppins songs for the District Festival tomorrow evening. I'm looking forward to that because I love performing with my choir!

Dance was dance. We learned how to do a backwards somersault. It hurts. I must be doing it wrong. Whatever.

Spanish. Only missed one on my espanol examencito, meaning that would be an A+. Guess who got an "Excelente" sticker?

English. Sub. Weirdish. Wrote a business letter. No biggie.

Geometry. Review for tomorrow's Chapter Ten quiz. I think I got this. Maybe. Hopefully.

Lunch. SSS meeting. Not very productive, but at least I got to take a bit of a breather mid way through the day.

Yearbook. Not too bad, honestly. Leisurely working on interviews and rewriting snippets here and there. Phil is teaching me how to make a crane. How exciting.

Biology. I actually got question number 3C right on the homework! That deserves an article in the local Acorn. Boom Baby. Too bad I still have a B+ in the class. Fudge my life.

Tutoring Caleb. Never a bad thing. I see Rachel and Sarah, too. :)

Tacos for dinner. It was eh okay. I should perhaps admit to mi padre that I do not enjoy tacos as much as he believes I do.

Visit to Office Depot after dinner con mi madre. We didn't find what we were looking for(good sized dry erase board to help me study), but we did meet a nurse with the TINIEST little dog I have EVER seen in my life. Its head was half of my first, man. Her name was Zoe, and her owner said that she had recently been called back for television casting calls to be on some show. Look out for an adorable pupster on t.v. whose real name is Zoe. Just for the record, I have been kissed(licked) by her. Cutie :)

After going to Office Max just thirty seconds away, we found what we were looking for and headed home. I mastered SPanish Chapter whatever we're on(ten??) for tomorrow's fill-in quiz, typed up my genius business letter, enjoyed an episode of Glee(AHHHHH <3),>

Evening to you all. Have a good Hump Day tomorrow. :)

Ellllley.

Nicholas Sparks: Journey Updates

Finished: A Walk To Remember

In Progress: The Choice

Previously Completed: Dear John, The Last Song, and one half of The Notebook.

Winner.

A Journey In The Making

I have come to a decision. That decision being that as of this moment, I am determined to read each and every novel ever written by Nicholas Sparks. Classic tales of true love and heartbreak, Dear John and The Last Song have me addicted to his writing. I've read part of The Notebook, but never cover to cover. Same with The Choice and A Walk To Remember.

A few months ago, I watched the movie Dear John with my friends, Casey and Summer. I have to admit, I cried like someone was ripping the life right out of me. I was already a huge fan of Amanda Seyfried, and Channing Tatum sure won me over that day. After finishing the novel just last night(after starting only that morning), I sat curled in bed, clutching the book as if I was afraid it would vanish before me. Each part, chapter, page, word, fit in just right, making a masterpiece that would leave any reader with a heart crying for the lost love of Savannah and John. Throughout the novel, I felt as if I was a witness to their experiences, and the two relationships between John and Savannah and then John and his father weaved together to convey a message difficult to forget.

Love is fragile, and despite what you may believe at first, there is no perfect first love. Heartbreak is inevitable, especially when time seems to be against you. There are people in our lives who have always been there, yet we have ignored their importance, only to realize the mistake after it is too late. "Time is relative".

I could go on forever, but I'll leave you with that.

Until next time.

*official blackberry owner :) :) :)*

Happy Easter

Just thought I'd throw that out there.

I went to the three hour Easter vigil mass last night. What an amazing experience <3>

I hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Also, getting a new phone soon. Yippee! I'm paying for it, so guilt free!

I'm hungry, I'm probably saying complete nonsense.

OH THANK GAWD.

I made it through and still managed to finish everything on my to-do list. Winner.

Tomorrow. Movies. The Last Song. Making fun of Miley Cyrus. Win beyond win.

A on my math test. Win times win equals win squared.

Please oh please. Let's make this a good spring break.

Also, one year ago went on the school D.C trip, which was probably better than any vacation I have ever been on to this day. Insanely jealous of those who left this afternoon. I'm so jealous I might cry. Seriously. But i'm grateful enough for this spring break now :)


E