Conflicted

As I was lying(laying? it's lying right, I'm pretty sure I listened to a Grammer Girl podcast on this very subject) in bed patiently impatiently waiting for sleep to steal me away, trillions(exaggeration time) of thoughts bombarded my mind. One of them being, what's going to happen years from now when I'm say twenty six with a loving husband and one baby girl, perhaps two, and I can't remember a single memory from my teen years? Now that'll just be horrifying. So, to prevent any such predicament, I am recording my daily activities in several different sources. That way, there's bound to be some history left behind for when I reach my golden ages. How much fun will that be to relax in my future bed in my future house while my future husband is gardening(muahaha) and my future children are afternoon napping, while I am reading my blogs and journal entries from the previous decade! Ahh, unedited and exactly the way I had originally noted them down. Because I want my future self to be able to have a clear and accurate grasp of who exactly I was at age fourteen, soon to be fifteen, I have left even the most private, juiciest, depressing confessions somewhere in my journal, my blote nog on my ipod touch memo options, or on this page. I'm not cheating myself out of an opportunity to understand who I was, rather than who I wish I could be.

Due to the recent depressing and downer-of-a-post season I recently underwent, I have changed the settings so only one or two days/posts will be on the home page. My hope is that readers(if only I had some...) would be too lazy to scroll to the bottom of the page and click "older posts". Just because I mentioned that, they're probably all going to do so. Whatever, can't erase the past, can I? Technically I can just delete those posts, but if I even considered that, I'd have to redirect myself to the paragraph above where I stated exactly why I don't want to do that.

Wow, I'm so sorry for this incredibly disheveled post. It's absurd and repulsive, am I wrong? The lack of a system here. But then again, this is who I am and I'm not editing one word of this for the sakes of whateverness. Now, I've just gotten lazy.

So, if any loner just so happens to pass by my blog on any random day and happens to read this on any random day, maybe a Tuesday(?sometimes i make no sense), would they give me an opinion on whether I should start a new blog page for venting or for other subjects to discuss on my blog? Or will that just get too tedious, even though my goal is to be organized. HA. Look at me now. Real organized, eh? Whatever, just whatever. You know. I'll start one and if I don't like, I'll just stop posting on it. Also,this blog is close to 600 posts! Yes, the excitement is unbearable. As is the disorganization. Ugh, as you can probably tell, I am conflicted in more ways than one. Anywho, I'm off to practice decision making.